Saturday, March 12, 2011

Jen - 3 Biggest Weaknesses

"What do you think are your 3 biggest weaknesses in your life?"

Wow. Glad this question only said "3"...cause we could be here all night. ;-)

My three biggest weaknesses...

The very first one that comes to mind is being a BIG people pleaser. If I can't make people happy or please them, I get frustrated at myself and all beside myself. I need peace wherever I go, so if I can't help provide that to someone or to a certain situation I get really down on myself. I struggle with boundaries in this area. It's hard for me to say "no" or state my own opinion, especially if it's contrary to the group or what I think people expect of me. I've really grown in this area, but in this an area of my life I will always need to watch because of the high value I place on relationships.

The second biggest weakness I see in me is being a fearful person. I have been ever since I was child. I was very close to being kidnapped when we lived in the apartment complex. A big brown van with a big scary looking guy was trying to get kids to come inside by handing them candy. I remember it was red candy, and he singled me out with his finger. After jumping on my bike and pedaling as fast as I could back home, I tried to tell what just happened to my parents. I was hyperventilating so bad that I couldn't even get a word out. Finally, after much calming down, I was able to describe the event in detail. My mom called the police, and it just so happened that they were looking for a man in a big brown van who was kidnapping children. Ugh. How I looked at people and the world changed from that day on. Fear always was "lurking." I've had weird fears. Fear of not having enough saliva to swallow, so I always had to carry gum with me. Ask my sister about that one. We were at a water park. I shoved gum up the side of my bathing suit so I would have it "just in case." Well, you know what happens at water parks. You get wet and go down slides! I lost my gum! I started to literally freak out!! I couldn't swallow!! Not enough saliva ya know. I made my parents buy my a slushy to hold me over, but long story short, we all had to LEAVE the water park. My family was NOT happy with me needless to say. Fear of throwing up in front the class (which I did in 2nd grade, hence why the fear). Fear that my heart was not beating correctly so I always had to feel my pulse to make sure my heart was still beating. I would not go into Turkey Hill or any other gas station alone for a long time for fear of those "weird" looking people that might do something to you. THANK GOD, I've outgrown ALL those fears, unfortunately now I have new ones. I thought THOSE fears were big, but now, I fear having seizures every time I go to bed (since all my seizures happen in my sleep). Fear of never being able to have children of my own (since it's been well over a 1 year), fear of losing my husband because i simply can't imagine my life without him. We've been through SO much together and I love him so much! I could go on, but i think you get the point. I continue to need to trust God to help me overcome my fears. ~Perfect love casts out Fear (1Jn 4:18)

And lastly, although there are many, I seem to put high expectations on people. When they don't meet them, I get really disappointed and upset. For example, I'm an extrovert, for the most part. I love sharing my heart with people. I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. When I'm trying to get into someone's world and they aren't opening up, I feel like I don't know how how else to get to know them besides talking. I guess because that 's what I know how to do best. ;-) I can tend to get frustrated when I feel like I can only get to a certain level with someone and then I just get cut off. I of course can not expect them to be like me...someone who will freely offer their whole life story to anyone who wants to listen, so that's where I need to lower my expectations and just let me be me and let them be who God made them to be.

1 comment:

  1. i have always LOVED your "wearing your heart on your sleeve".
    you're open. refreshing. you don't have to "guess".

    fears lurk.
    just remember:
    GOD is bigger than the boogie man!

    and am SO PROUD of the very painful road you're walking out now!
    you are bringing MUCH glory to God in each step!

    <3 <3 <3 you, sweetie!